Panic and Comfort
by ArtistHeart
Summary: Spencer Reid is always focused on the task at hand. He can keep his cool through any case he is working. After the case is over, however, is a different story entirely. Hurt/Comfort. Warnings: Panic Attacks.


"Panic and Comfort"

I don't own CM

Every day, the team had responsibilities. To keep people alive, to bring justice to the victims of murder, to stay calm in the midst of extremely chaotic situations...Their minds were constantly focused on their end goal. Nomatter who got hurt, what was happening in their personal lives at the moment, or the amount of stress they were under, the team always kept their cool. Their minds were trained to suppress emotion and fear until the job was done. Not to get rid of it, but to keep it in check.

Spencer Reid was no different. In fact, it was easier for him to do than most of the other agents. His mind worked in a way that allowed him to compartmentalize things into categories of immediate importance. He could fill the void of his suppressed emotions with thoughts, calculations, and problem solving. He threw himself 110% into every case, because analyzing is what kept him sane and calm.

Once the case was over, however, was a different story entirely.

The human mind can only withstand so much before the levy breaks. Only so much stress, so much fear...Reid was able to keep it together extremely well when he had a job to do. But right when the job ended and he had no more responsibility, it's as if a switch would go off in his brain. Most of the time he would just crash and sleep the entire way home. Sometimes he would simply become very quiet and keep to himself. On more rare occasions, however, he would fall into a pit of pure panic.

The first time it happened, it had caught the team completely off guard. They had just finished a case where 6 children had been raped and murdered, and they were only able to save one future target by catching the guy. It had sucked the life and energy out of the entire team. They all loaded onto the jet and settled in for the ride home.

About 30 minutes into the flight, Hotch noticed that Reid was shaking. He turned the air vent in the opposite direction, figuring that he was just cold. When he glanced back at Reid, he was surprised to see that the kid had buried his face in his hands. His long hair covered his hands as it came untucked from behind his ears. His shoulders hitched a few times...he was crying.

Hotch reached out across the table to touch his shoulder. "Reid..."

Other than a slight flinch, Spencer gave no response. Hotch squeezed his shoulder and could feel the trembling underneath his steady hand. "Reid, what's going on?"

The concern in Hotch's voice drew a few of the other team member's attention. Morgan saw the sudden change in expressions and removed his headphones. When Reid's breathing turned from shallow breaths to large gasps, Morgan got up from his seat and settled down next to his friend.

"Hey kid..." Morgan placed a gentle hand on Reid's back in between his shoulder blades. "What's going on?"

Spencer's crying became audible, and his breathing grew even more shallow and panicked. He hunched over even further and his trembling heightened beneath Morgan's touch. Hotch and Morgan exchanged a worried glance. They had no idea what was going on.

The moment she had caught onto what was happening, JJ rose from her seat and moved quickly over to where Spencer was sitting.

"Guys, I think he's having a panic attack." She said softly, concern ever present in her voice. She moved closer to where they were, still trying keeping her distance so that Spencer wouldn't feel smothered. She put a hand on Hotch's arm. "Hotch, can you get a cool cloth for me?"

Hotch nodded and stood up, and JJ took his seat across the table from Reid.

Morgan whispered soft words of assurance to his friend. "You're okay kid. You hear me? You're safe." Reid's sobs continued and his breathing came in pained, desperate gasps. Morgan had never seen his friend so terrified, and he felt helpless. Spencer was trembling so violently that the entire seat was shaking. Sweat and tears dropped through the kid's fingers from his face onto his lap. He sobbed like a child in fear of something that wasn't even there. It was pure torture to watch. "Shhhhh..." Morgan gently rubbed Spencer's back and looked up to see what was taking Hotch so long.

Finally Hotch came back with a damp cloth and handed it to Morgan. Morgan moved the hair away from Reid's sweaty neck and placed the damp cloth against it gently, hoping it would cool him off and calm him down.

At this point, everyone on the jet had figured out what was going on, and sat anxiously wishing there was something they could do.

Hotch, JJ, and Morgan watched for what seemed like eternity as Spencer showed absolutely no sign of calming down. Morgan sat there next to him, gently pressing the cool cloth against his friend's neck and wishing he didn't feel so useless. He could feel his friend's rapid pulse under his fingers. JJ reached across the table and brushed the back of her fingers up and down Spencer's forearm, letting him know that she was there.

They had never seen him like this before. He was always so calm and collected, focused always on the task at hand. He was usually the one who kept the rest of the team focused. Maybe it was the fact that he kept it together so well on the job, that caused him to break down afterwards.

"What should we do?" Hotch asked. Usually he had all the answers but he had no idea how to handle this situation. "We're still an hour away from landing. We don't have anything we can give him."

JJ looked away from her hurting friend to make eye contact with Hotch. "We just need to keep doing what we're doing. Usually panic attacks only last up to 30 minutes."

"It's been at least 30 minutes, JJ." Morgan said, concern lacing his voice.

"Then hopefully this will end soon." Hotch stood up and went to get a clean cloth.

Sure enough, about 10 minutes later Reid's breaths began to slow and his sobbing started to quiet. "That's it kid, deep breaths." Morgan coached him and continued to rub his back, which had been soaked in sweat for the past 30 minutes. "See? You're okay, you're okay." He continued whispering assurances into his friend's ear, encouraging him every time he took a deeper breath.

Finally, after Reid was breathing rhythmically and only slightly trembling, he unburied his face from his hands. He graciously took the damp cloth from Morgan's hands and wiped his own face clean. JJ unscrewed the cap of a water bottle, and Spencer brought it to his lips. They watched as his hands shook and he struggled to get a sip, but they let him be.

He handed the bottle back to JJ. " 'm so tired," he said in a voice so quiet it was barely discernible. His eyes were heavy, barely staying open (it didn't help that they were swollen from tears). His face was extremely pale, and fresh beads of sweat made their way down his temples. They could all tell that he was about to pass out.

Morgan helped him sit back, and put a pillow against the window. "Here you go kid, get some rest alright?"

All Spencer did was nod and say a quiet "sorry" a few times before passing out from exhaustion.

JJ put a blanket over him and tucked loose strands of hair around her friend's ear, and they all walked away to the back of the jet.

CMCMCMCMCMCM

Since that first night, the team had become accustomed to Reid's sporadic bouts of panic. He never struggled with anxiety during the cases. Right when the case ended and the team loaded into vehicles or onto the jet, he would just break down. Even though the panic attacks only happened once in a while, his anxiety was always high on the trip home.

They had since figured out how to help him the best. First of all, he was prescribed medication to help him calm down. Secondly, they had found little things to help him through. For instance, once he was in the midst of a full blown attack, Morgan did the best job of calming him down and helping him through it. He needed a strong presence to get him out. When he was about to have an attack, however, JJ was the only one who could talk him out of it.

She made sure that she was always sitting close to him, just in case he started to feel uneasy. The moment she noticed that something wasn't right she would sit right down next to him, grab his hand in hers, and start talking softly to him. She would have him take deep breaths and remind him that he was completely safe. Sometimes he would calm right down, and sometimes it would take him a little while. She could usually stop the attack from happening. Once his breathing was mostly under control, she would pull his head onto her shoulder and talk quietly to him until he fell asleep.

The team knew that it wasn't weakness that was causing all of this to happen. It was immense strength. The strength that got him through the cases. The strength that they all strived to have for every lost child and every grieving mother. The strength that allowed them to save lives every day. It was unfortunate that this was a side effect of that strength, but they knew that in the end they had each other.

And that was enough to last them a lifetime.

The End

-Thank you so much for reading. Your feedback is the fuel to my fire. Please let me know what you liked, and what you disliked. Give me prompts of topics you would like me to write about. Without your reviews I have no motivation to keep writing. Thank you again for reading, I hope you enjoy my stories. REVIEWS please! Love, ArtistHeart-


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